I think the reason why I wasn't writing an epic poem is b/c I wasn't listening to music. I'm listening to music now. by epic poem I don't mean anything long like an epic poem. I just mean epic. for example I think this one might be an epic poem. it seems like a long story even if it's not a long poem.
buck's poem came in the mail. monsters are not a problem. and monsters are not a problem. I haven't been reading poetry. kind of hit me yesterday that I will start reading poems again. I need to. it's all there is. that's part of the fear sometimes. but there's lots of good poetry. the art form isn't bankrupt. it's not fake. it just has to be defined by whatever I need. sometimes I just stop and throw it off ahead, throw up, shake it off up, I'm opposed to confidence but of course I fake authority as a courtesy, just to get the drag out of the way. like today I was thinking people say "I don't usually [blank] but this time [blank] and so you know I must mean it." that gambit. people shouldn't do that. it's wrong style. don't preface by saying what you don't usually, just say the thing. cathy said I'm always right. I think there's something to that. maureen gets really bent out of shape or just into a different shape if you say "stop being wrong" to her, just like that. I think it's just there's nothing in her programming to prepare her for the basic assertion that she should stop being wrong about something. try it. well, you can't do it the right way. sorry. I don't know. I guess it's worth trying. but I'm good at it so it might not work for you in the same way. you have to be sincere about it.

I'm listening to frog eyes. I've had a lot of mixed feelings. it doesn't sound like GBV. I'm not saying that. but I am saying that I've experienced it, my initial approach to it in the same way I had my first approach to bee thousand and alien lanes, which were the first ones I listened to. it was like, this isn't exactly pleasant or accomodating to listen to, in fact I don't even think I like how it feels to listen to this but somehow I know I'm going to keep doing it and it will work out. it's headphone music tho, frog eyes. you need to hear all the little things. it is not background music as they say and I said. really tho that's the thing. it's not background music. not at first. but now it is. well, it's in the headphones now. that works. I like it. I've been listening to it while I typed this. publish